Growth Mindset
In this blog we will unpack what a growth mindset is and how it can change your entire reality.
Want to know more about me as your coach?? CLICK HERE!
This is the 3rd Blog in this series all about conscious relationships.
- Read blog 1 here : Conscious relationships.
This dives deeply into what makes a conscious relationships, how you can build one and what that means for you.
- Read blog 2 here: Radical Responsibility. Where we will investigate what being radically responsible can look like, minimizing the blame game we all like to play within our relationships.
- Read blog 3 here: Growth mindset.
Firstly, what is a growth mindset?
A growth mindset is an approach towards life and learning that sets the groundwork to reach your full potential. A mindset is a basic attitude or philosophy of life. It’s a collection of thoughts, ideas and beliefs about who you think you are, what you’re capable of, and your relation to the world around you.
For example, if you think that you have the inability to start a new routine, you will have thoughts that say; “I will never wake up at that time”, “Routines don’t work on me”, etc..
With building conscious relationships, the growth mindset is needed to overcome this habit pattern. As this is the shadow sides of us that hold limiting beliefs.
Being conscious is the process of understand yourself in order to cultivate awareness of what makes you up and why. This helps to understand many other aspects of the world around us, because the exterior world reflects whats in our interior selves and Visa Versa.
What does having awareness mean for my life. Find out more, and click here.
This process isn’t about once-off actions or quick fixes. It becomes the base from which you make every choice and every decision, and it shifts our entire perspective on life. What’s amazing is the realization that your mindset can change, that if you create it, you can break it and start again. Simply by, changing your mindset, you can fundamentally change who you are.
What does this look like in a relationship ?
However, beyond the realm of personal development and growth, the growth mindset has a significant effect on relationships, as you can imagine.
This process, which happens over time, becomes a commitment to your partner, friend, or loved one, that you’re willing to go beyond all your ego-defenses and games to be your most authentic self. While at the same time, making a commitment to going all the way with your own individual creative expression, with full loving awareness and acceptance.
The next process is to dive into your limiting beliefs and understand them, so that you can cultivate self-awareness. Then communicate about them honestly. This includes the emotional baggage, but don’t take them seriously. In fact, ego-defenses disappear quickly when you turn them into play.
Which brings me to my last point, be playful! Allow rest and pleasure to balance out the work. Allow the inner child to come out. This is a part of us that we often ignore because of trauma or we hide in fear of safety to our vulnerability.
This process, when intentionally done in any relationship, has the ability to transform the way you connect to others and most importantly to yourself.
What can I practice to start this now ?
Make a heartfelt commitment to learning and understanding something new from every relationship interaction. Notice how your defenses move as they emerge, and gradually transplant investigation and truth-speaking in place of defensiveness.
My personal experience:
Ive struggled with a burden complex my whole life. Its something that developed in childhood, as a result of a trauma. Understanding this has facilitate the space for me to take more Radical Responsibility of them. For example, I can now share it with those I love, allowing myself the freedom to practice letting it go. In turn, me taking responsibility not only holds space for me, but for my relationships as well.
So now, when I feel I am burdening someone, or I don’t feel worthy of their help, I say it to them.
Lets say we are at a restaurant, my food is wrong, if I send my meal back I feel like I am inconveniencing the whole restaurant. Firstly the poor waiter has to go back and tell the kitchen, then the already crazy busy kitchen has to redo my meal. On top of this, my friends are now waiting to eat, because they want to wait for me. CAN YOU IMAGINE THE PRESSURE !! Hahaha.”
So, instead of self-sabotaging my entire day, I say and really, truly mean, “Ahh guys I’m so sorry for burdening you now”. To which I can either take full responsibility and accept that this could be true and that’s okay, or I will receive an affirmation saying that its okay.
Wow, growth mindset can really help. Instead of being in my self-pity and victimizing myself. I now choose to actively work to support myself through all moments, no matter the outcome.
Wow, so wait doesn’t this sound like self-love ?
This is the process. Its full circle. Its inevitable that having a growth mindset in life can transform your whole reality. A reality filled with loving awareness and conscious connections.
Using conflict for growth
This doesn’t come without challenges.
Lets look at an example, when partners are willing to do that inner work and open to the messages from their souls, a very different opportunity arises out of the tension of conflict. Unfortunately, most people run from such encounters, because the truth is that it takes big courage.
It takes deep surrendering into the need to always feel safe. It is shadow work, and many people are already so overwhelmed that the drive for stability and security takes over. Meaning people play pretend and ignore themselves in hopes they don’t have to actually intentionally deal with themselves.
Doing the following activity with someone you love:
When one or the other partner is “in survival,” the focus and energy is not on the unconscious patterns on the relationship, but rather on the idea of how to be stable. Most of us are in this “survival space”. So this is important to note.
Once, personal care has been reached and you essentially fill your own cup up enough to put energy out, then you move forward. Remember this whole journey starts within.
Firstly, mindfully start by taking the time to sit down and truly listen to each other. This is essential! Being able to tap in and open up the space to take in your partner is an act of divine love, a giving love that grows you as a human being.
I tell my clients that, each one of them must bring 100 percent to the relationship. This includes, 100 percent vulnerability too.
This is the only way to give and receive your entire true self. As when you consciously cultivating this loving awareness, conflict will be welcomed as connection trying to happen, rather than something to avoid or control.
Secondly, there are no guarantees when you pull back the curtain on an unconscious relationship that the two people will end up wanting to remain together.
The practice now is can each person live as a fully autonomous and self-actualized human being and at the same time surrender to the relationship with the other person. In other words, what form will the relationship take. Each person would have to show up according to their level of growth, a balancing act that takes time to integrate.
As psychotherapist Esther Perel says, “Love rests on two pillars: surrender and autonomy. Our need for togetherness exists alongside our need for separateness.”
Meaning, we become individuals together. A unity, not a blending.
For this to fully work, and in order to be authentic we need to make clear requests and eliminate complaints and criticism entirely. Although acknowledging that loving awareness is your base. I see couples where one or the other partner fights every suggestion, and reacts to a request with defensiveness, as if their being attacked. This is a sign their inner work isn’t taking on that full Radical Responsible nature. Meaning some inner reflection is needed before tackling the presented issues. Ultimately, you’re now cultivating mindfulness, to create a growth mindset for yourself. AGAIN !! FULL CIRCLE.
I hope you enjoyed this read on the growth mindset. I really enjoyed writing it.
– With gratitude, Demi-Gea x
- Wanting to cultivate more self-love into your life? i invite you to do my private 1-on-1 coaching course, A journey to self-love- A 7 week guide to unlocking your true self-compassion. Developed to bring you home, to that warm place within, helping to cultivate more conscious, authentic relationships in your life.
PS – If you are needing any guidance within your growth and healing journey, i offer 20 minute free discovery calls. These calls are here for your support.
- Unsure if Holistic Life Coaching is for you ??
- Needing spiritual / mental guidance through lifes obstacles ??
- or just wanting to deepen your awareness and connection to yourself ?
CONTACT ME !!- I am one email, call, whatsapp or video chat away. – You deserve the life you dream about.
Pingback: Radical responsibility | Sunflower Healing
Pingback: Conscious relationships | Sunflower Healing
Pingback: Presence & Appreciation | Sunflower Healing
Pingback: Autonomy in relationships | Sunflower Healing