Radical Responsibility:

“Taking radical responsibility, is simply changing your perspective to one of full awareness. This can create a climate of accountability in and around your life.”

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In this blog we will investigate what being radically responsible can look like, minimizing the blame game we all like to play.

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This is a continuation of my new blog series about conscious, authentic relationships. Lets dive in…

Read the first conscious relationship blog here, by clicking this link.

– Here I explain what is a conscious, authentic relationship.

Radical responsibility is something that helps us to cultivate a conscious, authentic relationship with both ourselves and others.

Why is taking responsibility important ??

Taking radical responsibility is an active process. We too often are passive in our lives and most importantly, in our relationships. This passiveness is the common pattern of our unconscious or subconscious selves, where auto-pilot has taken over. As a result, we now live according to our conditioning, instead of mindful intentional living.  These habit patterns are like power muscles passed down from generation to generation. Continuous patterns of unawareness that can cultivate unwanted situations and connections.

This ownership and responsibility over your life is an important part of any healthy relationship, friends or romantic and everything in between. Doing this is an empowering reminder that you have control over the role you play in your relationships.

What is auto-pilot and what does having awareness about it mean for my life. Find out more and click here.

You choose how to show up.

Taking responsibility creates trust and dependability.

We know from my previous blog on conscious relationships, that when we connect with others, the shadow will inevitably show itself. Essentially, the shadow is the parts of ourselves we tend to hide. For example, we all have wounds, baggage, traumas and fears from the past. This is the shadow side. The side that we tend to hide right off the bat when meeting someone, however over time it comes through. This shadow self will get triggered in any close relationship.

In other words, this can be those feelings of abandonment, feeling stuck, rejected, overlooked and any other perceived negative feeling that arises when we bond closely with another person. When we aren’t taking responsibility and don’t have proper boundaries in place it makes it easy to demonize the person your close to. Which in-turn causes us to build resentment towards them. This often happens when you don’t take care of your own needs. Creating a recipe for co-dependency.

Why co-dependency?

Codependency refers to a mental, emotional, physical, and/or spiritual reliance on a partner, friend, or family member.  Co-dependency as a free standing notion isn’t necessarily a bad thing. For example, when one partner is down, stressed, ill or distracted it is natural to become co-dependent towards needing those around you.

However, we can see how unprocessed insecurities, traumas and fears can creep into our relationships, causing us to either retract or take excessive control. This form of co-dependency where we cling, become needy per say, can be a sign that you aren’t caring for yourself as an individual in the partnership/relationship.

Radical responsibility is then put in place, as to act as a buffer to the potential blame game, gaslighting experience that can come from mismanaged or unprocessed feelings.

Co-dependents have low self-esteem and look for anything outside of themselves to make them feel better. They find it hard to “be themselves.” – Mental Health America

Imagine this scenario: I may say:

“Why didn’t you come to me when you saw that so and so upset me”? A comment experience amongst friends, romantic relationships and parenting alike. Then you reply, “Well, you should’ve told me you needed me in that moment!”

So I’m unhappy about someone else, and now you’re to blame ?? Wait what ??

This is an example of how often people deflect ownership of their behaviors and play the blame game. Am I responsible for not coming to you, or should you have taken responsibility and checked in? The answer is you both are responsible for your side of the interaction!!

This is when clear communication bridges all gaps, see it is my responsibility to consciously communicate that I am upset and need you. However, in that same breath, it is also your responsibility to then show up for me as I open up to you. A balance of give and take. – Co-dependency is the give and take without balance.

Another perspective:

Here a conscious relationship taking radical responsibility would look like:

I’m upset with someone… I either firstly, go to my friend, family, partner and say… “So and so have upset me, could you please give me some love/ input or care as i am feeling vulnerable right now.” – This is my responsible and aware inner truth.

You as a conscious co-creator now have three choices…  Firstly, you can say yes. Simple direct. “Yes, i can show up, do you want a hug ? Do you need to talk ?”

Secondly, you can say yes, ask in a direct way what is it that you need right now to feel better?

Lastly, you can say, “Unfortunately I cannot show up right now, I’m sorry this happened, but when we get home or to a more appropriate space we can have a chat and spend some time together, would you like that?”… – This is your responsible and aware inner truth.

I now have options in this path of conscious co-creation. I can either say simply, “no thank you, I need it now, It wont matter anymore later, but thank you.” Or I could say, “Thank you I would really appreciate that.”

Can you see how this is a more  mindful and responsible interaction, each holding their own and completely being accountable for how they can show up, given how they feel inside.

What taking radical responsibility can look like:

It is important to firstly, distinguish between taking and deflecting responsibility for both you and the other individuals in your relationships. Be aware of defensive responses which might include “stop being so sensitive” or “I didn’t know that you cared about that” or “you should’ve said something.” It’s critical that your partner, friend, parent etc. learn to do this in order to have a conscious, authentic relationship with you.

Taking responsibility looks like practicing self-awareness, diving into self-love and working on all the unprocessed “stuff” in your life. Learning to heal, growth and flow together is such a gift.

– with gratitude, Demi-Gea x

Read how having a growth mindset can support you and your conscious relationships. Understand how you too can access your own growth mindset within. Click here.

PS – If you are needing any guidance within your growth and healing journey, I offer 20 minute free discovery calls. These calls are here for your support.

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